Clean Laugh :)
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As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery.  One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen.  "That sure is an unusual looking whale," I commented.

With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin." 

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AND YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD DAY!

author unknown

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as  the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.  Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone.  Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain. 

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.  I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body.  The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope!

PS - before you read the next one, just below, we want you to know that www.QualityDigitalCamera.com is located in Virginia,

in the lovely [and rural] Shenandoah Valley.  The closest town with a post office is Woodstock.  So, if you phone us, here are some of the expressions that you might hear  :)  :)  :)

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samples of "Y'allbonics" ... if you don't understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.

HEIDI: (noun) Greeting.

HIRE YEW: (complete sentence) Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

BARD: (verb) Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH: (noun) The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER: (noun) The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS: (noun) A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

THANK: (verb) Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a Coke."

RANCH: (noun) A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL: (noun) A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR: (noun) A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR: (noun) A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

FARN: (adjective) Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he used ... must be from some farn country."

PEARS: The capitol city of France (a farn country).
Usage: see below.

TIRE: (noun) A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pears sometime."

RETARD: (verb) To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

DID: (adjective) Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

ARE: (noun) A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe ... give 'im some ARE!"

BOB WAR: (noun) A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war.

I don't know about Y'all, but they all sound right to me!!! - Samia + rob,

from QualityDigitalCamera.com  :)

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